Posted by: Ophelia | July 22, 2008

+3 flower of deodorizing

A vulvar deodorant system comprises a tampon for insertion into the vagina and a device for retaining a dedorant. A string or other article is connected to the tampon and to the deodorant retaining device for suspending this retaining device and a deodorant retained thereby outside of the vagina and at a distance therefrom, when the tampon is inserted in the vagina.

Vulvar deodorant system William Stephen Bossak

Vulvar deodorant system William Stephen Bossak

Vulvar deodorant system William Stephen Bossak

Vulvar deodorant system William Stephen Bossak

If only my tampons had deodorizing flowers on the strings–my morale would be so much higher.
* Am I the only one who enjoys browsing the patent archives? My second favorite invention is the menstrual cycle wrist watch that doesn’t appear to actually tell time.



  1. Jesus Christ, has anything ever been invented to deodorize men’s genitalia? And why the fuck when I google “men genitalia” is the first site asking why women’s genitalia smells worse than men’s? I’m so sick of the idea that vaginas are smelly, dark, damp places where monsters live. If pad and tampon companies didn’t start stressing hygiene as the main point of menses and menstruation in the 40’s and 50’s, we’d never be in this mess in the first place.

    Also, that menstruation cycle watch will only work for women on a 28 day cycle. Others (ahem) won’t be able to use it.

  2. “To enhance the morale of the wearer, such as during the menstrual period or other instances of occasional depression, the tag 23 is preferably in the form of an adornment, the esthetic appearance of which frequently has the desired effect.”

    What the fuck? Having a plastic flower sticking out of your crotch makes you feel better? That’s some dumb shit. Unless you think chafing feels good.

  3. Also, that flower on the string makes me want to vomit.

    Can I just reiterate how much I love my Keeper?

  4. You’re right Lindsay. Mine is actually around 38 or so so I’d be outta luck.

    I just loved the constant mentions of how the wearer’s morale would be raised by having a dainty perfumed flower hanging out of their vulvas. Further it would serve as a reminder device so there won’t be any mishaps over misplaced tampons. They spend a lot of time detailing why its inappropriate to introduce perfumes directly to the vulva so I have to wonder where they think the flower goes when you put on your panties. Why that would be pressed directly against the vulva….aw.

    All of this focus on trying to make vaginae smell like flower gardens takes the focus off of actual health issues. If it smells so much that your morale is adversely affected, you may have a medical problem. Conversely, any discernible smell isn’t cause for alarm. Places that are damp and covered with clothes do tend to acquire a smell (armpits, feet). Vaginas are no different in that regard. The general belief that vaginas are generally putrid and horrid smelling is strange. Maybe they think it’s the icky female hormones.

  5. Lindsay, I just got a diva cup and I’m excited to try it. Unfortunately my period wandered off when I stopped taking the pill. I hope it comes back soon :/. My diva came with a floral pin–now I see I must firmly affix it to the cup’s stem to increase my morale.

  6. My diva came with a floral pin–now I see I must firmly affix it to the cup’s stem to increase my morale.

    oh god… I need a flower pin hanging from my crotch immediately, if not constantly. So amused.

  7. It’s a vagina and is not meant to smell like a flower for Christ sake. Enough with the your vagina is foul and smelly.

  8. […] for a “vulvar deodorant system” described here. Because if your genitals don’t smell like flowers, morale […]

  9. The first person to tries to shove a flower up me is getting a boot-kick right to their crotch.

    Seriously, what in the world!? What were they thinking? “Oh, horray! Now my hoo-ha can smell garden fresh!”

    No way, no how. My moral will not suffer if I don’t smell like cheap air freshener.

  10. Actually, there are male genital deodorants. I passed an online ad on to the women who write Body Impolitic, who were eloquently horrified.

    But there are many more such products for women — douches, sprays, deodorized menstrual equipment, and now a tampon with a jagged flower to chafe our tender bits.

  11. Yes there is a male genitalia deodorant system:
    which comes equipped with great commercials:

  12. I just wonder what the tick-marked arc at thirteen is.

    The rest of it… too stupid for words.

  13. Man, is it bad that I kind of want this to exist just so I can give it to people I do not like?

    “Merry Christmas, your snatch stinks!”

  14. I don’t know which puzzles and upsets me more: 1) The stereotype that even a healthy cunt needs all kinds of artificially scented gels, powders, creams and douches in order for the woman attached to it can live a normal life or receive love from anyone, obviously because of the diabolical stenches that emanate from our nethers; or 2) that all of these products are physically and mentally harming women, giving them poor self-image, cancers and rashes; or 3) that some patriarchal corporate fat cat of a man is making millions and millions of dollars off of these products, while subjecting innocent women to an unethical dilemma.
    Re: Enna. Hahahahahaha.

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