Posted by: Ophelia | August 8, 2008

Living in Sin

Orientation for law school starts next Wednesday so I’m going to be moving in with my boyfriend around Tuesday or so. There has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth from my parents. Despite managing to graduate high school, college (something only two other people in my family have accomplished), and getting into law school in the first place (something no one else in the family has ever done)–I have no brains. Despite having a good head on my shoulders, a clear sense of right and wrong, and a quick wit, I am making a horrible mistake that I have no idea that I’m making. To put it in context, I’ve known my boyfriend since sophmore year of high school. The surprises aren’t really coming anymore. Nonetheless, according to my parents, I have no idea what I’m doing. They must save me from myself!

I think there’s an independent thought alarm in the house–just a hunch.

How is it that moving out of my parent’s home at 22 is a misstep? Oh, that’s right–I’m supposed to dutifully live at home until my husband removes me and plunks me down in my new family home wherein I’m supposed to conduct wifely duties.

Making decisions while female: Apparently I am doing it wrong.



  1. Ah, that sucks. From what I know of you, you really are an accomplished woman with a great head on your shoulders. Best of luck handling that situation…wish I could offer some useful advice.

  2. I feel your pain, Ophelia! I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I’m 26, and I’m currently LYING to my parents about my living situation, because if they knew I moved in with my fiance BEFORE TEH WEDDING, it would wreak such havoc on my life that I’m not willing to deal with it. They actually think I moved in with a friend for the next 6 or 7 months until after the wedding.

    I totally don’t understand why so many members of that generation still regard living with someone you’re in a relationship with to be such a horrible thing deserving of such a harsh stigma. Sorry you have to deal with that despite all of the wonderful-sounding things in your life.

  3. My parents were none too pleased when I moved in with my guy. It’s been almost a year now and I think they’re still wishing I was home with them. I just try to call them as much as I can so they don’t freak out as much and try not to bring it up otherwise. Good luck!

  4. Ugh, I know a lot of what you’re talking about – my boyfriend’s parents are the same way. I just can’t understand why people feel the need to judge other’s choices. In my case, we might move to another city to go to grad school – wouldn’t it make sense to share a place in a strange city? If it were here, it would be easy to find roommates that I know I could live with (old ones, my sister, etc), but in a new city it’s just logical to live together.

  5. I feel your pain. I have been living happily unmarried with my spouse for well over a decade and my family is still incensed that I refuse to marry. It is considered the ultimate shame. It does not seem to matter that I don’t believe in marriage.

  6. Woah. If anyone questioned my living with my boyfriend, I’d scream at them. Since when are your living arrangements anyone else’s problem?

    Congrats on getting into law school! The most boring part is reading cases (I’m in my second semester of law school right now).

  7. My parents seemed more concerned about ‘what the neighbors would think’ than about morality – my mom actually admitted having maintained a second apartment for show when dating my dad, and asked if I would consider doing the same! To their great relief, we eventually did still decide to get married – even after all those years of getting the milk for free 😉

  8. I don’t think that it’s the idea of you moving in with me that’s the problem, Ophelia, it’s the fact that you’re not as dependant on them anymore, and it’ll be harder for them to guilt trip you into going home.

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