Posted by: Ophelia | November 10, 2008

I blame feminism


There’s nobody to love me because…


Feminism…gentlemanly behavior…

Based on those few words it seems as if the problem is with the alleged impact feminism has had on the traditional gender roles within heterosexual relationships (seems more like the problem is with the patriarchy being unable to adapt to increasing equality between the sexes). How do you answer such an allegation without being accused of being a “feminazi”? We’ve all seen the feminist strawman–she’s a big hairy lesbian who hates men, or she’s a painted harlot who doesn’t respect virginity, or she’s just ugly and can’t get a man and that’s why she complains about the way she’s treated. How do you deal with such notions when they inevitably come up in discussions of feminism?

Interesting occurrence last night: my mother actually gave my fiance the advice to smack me when I get out of line. I think I’d rather have feminism than tradition, same goes for my fiance.

Sudy interprets the secret differently, as a rejection of the consistent short sightedness of traditional feminism in regards to non white and non-American women.


  1. Hmmm. It’s very disappointing that you mother would say that. I mean VERY disappointing. Gosh. Was she atleast joking?

    I have bumped heads with the last two guys I dated cause of my feminist thoughts. Not fun.

  2. Well the family thought it was funny but it wasn’t one of those ironic jokes where it was meant to be funny because obviously no parent would encourage their child’s partner to hit them. No apparently the hitting part was supposed to be funny.

  3. Wow. I can’t believe your mother would say that, joking or not.

    Feminism has in fact been the cause of my happiness. It’s because of feminism that I got a master’s degree and have a fulfilling career. It’s because of feminism that I could choose to marry rather than being forced into it, and could choose my spouse. It’s because of feminism that I can be on birth control, and don’t have to have children if I don’t want to. I owe my life to feminism.

    Of course, that’s not to say that all women (or men) have the choice to marry, or have the resources to go to college and grad school, or have access to contraception. My success does not mean that the fight is over. But you get the point . . . .

  4. I would leave my wife if she took up feminism. Its unnatural.

    • How is asking to be treated equally a bad thing?

  5. Oh bob, if your wife took up feminism, she may well have similar plans about you.

  6. That is very disspointing that your Mother would say that! Hitting is never ever funny. Thats not something to joke about even if you joked about it the other way around about him.

    I have been single and HAPPY most of my life. Being whole and happy with myself is where I feel good. No one can complete me but me. Merging masculine and feminine parts of myself has been as part of my path in the past few years. I have been committed to this. Feminism has helped with my happiness on many levels. Without a partner I am free on so many levels. When I was 16 years old I said I would not rely on a man and take care of me. I enjoy my freedom and not being in chains. Most of all feminism has paved a new path for me and for many woman in regards to what a romantic relationship means or even if you choose to be in one at all. Being free is what I love!

  7. By the way, I’m never going to hit Ophelia. I’m not a jerk. Besides, I just have to give puppy dog eyes and look hurt instead.

    I love Ophelia the way she is. feminism and all.

  8. About the poll: I’d say that feminism has helped my love life. My husband is probably the person who supports me in all my undertakings and challenges me the most. My realizing that I didn’t have to put up with the entitled crap I got from guys in previous relationships helped me wait until I found my guy, and our relationship is better because we treat each other as true equals. I’d say his feminism has helped our relationship a lot.

  9. I voted for other. Feminism has changed my life, that, and being a Women’s & Gender Studies Major. However, as a gay male, unfortunately many of the other gay men I come across do not really understand feminism. I tell them my major or they see my feminist tattoo, and all of a sudden, it is like “Oh, so you want to a woman?” Obviously this gives good time to educate these people, but some do end up still thinking I want to be a woman and go away. Clearly, these types of people are not someone I want to pursue for a deeper relationship. I do think though that being a self-identified feminist poses challenges sometimes, at least, when you are getting to know someone, and they do not have a feminist consciousness themselves. But for the long haul, sharing feminist ideals makes a relationship stronger and much more beautiful. 🙂

  10. first of all, i’m not a lesbian, second, people don’t say or think that i’m ugly…i’ve never had a problem bout my feminism, and the first person who tries to argue with me bout that will get his head bitten off!cmon girlz, it’s not ok to be treated like dirt!females are treated like that for centuries and it has to stop!why am i a whore if i sleep with 5 men a year and a guy who sleeps with 50 gals for a year is HOT?what the fuck?!why are men better than us?!females should be the heads of the houses!we give birth, usualy take care for our children, we have to be cool bout hausband comming home and craping bout how much do our shoes cost !who the fuck are them to talk bout money?!when they buy beer, it’s ok!fucking imbeciles!!!feminism for life!RIOT!

  11. All of you need to learn about queer theory and 3rd wave feminism. What most of you in the comments are preaching is a totalitarian oppressive system not unlike current patriarchy. The oft-stated aim of feminism is to promote and achieve gender equality. So read some Judith Butler, Stephen Connell, and Elizabeth Grosz before posting such inane replies as Yelena. As romantic an idea as feminists “fighting back” is, I think you should see feminism as an assertion rather than a fight.

  12. Please tell me your mom was kidding??
    If it wasn’t for feminsm I’d be dead or have gone insane by now.

  13. Excuse me, Lachy, we’re looking for equality, not supperiority. Is that too much to ask? Do I have your permission to be your equal? Hmm?

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