There is a local bar in my town that my friends and I frequent. It’s everyone’s favorite bar because even in the summer season, only locals go there, it’s clean, it has amazing food (brick-oven pizza), 40 beers on tap, and a generally nice atmosphere. Great.
However, like any bar, it has its occasional assholes. And I seem to attract them like I have “welcome assholes” tattooed across my face. Several times in the past month or so I have been hit on at this bar. That’s fine. I don’t mind being hit on, or rather I wouldn’t if guys would follow these simple rules (pay attention guys):
1) Don’t touch me, especially before you even introduce yourself—being drunk doesn’t make it okay.
2) Don’t touch me.
3) Don’t use racial slurs, bash gay people, or call other women (or me, for that matter) ‘bitches,’ ‘cunts,’ etc. I don’t understand why this comes up as much as it does—where the hell have you been learning your pick-up lines?
4) Don’t bother me if I am clearly with another group of people. (I was cornered by this guy a few weeks ago who knew I was there with 10 friends, yet insisted I would rather talk to him.)
5) Just because you’re a regular and all the barflies and bartenders like you doesn’t mean I have to, and doesn’t give you the right to invade my personal space.
6) Don’t call me ‘sweetie.’ I have a name.
7) Don’t be contrary. This is one for your benefit, guys, not mine. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve been turned off to because they want to argue with me without knowing anything about me. For example:
Guy: “So what do you do?”
Me: “I’m a teacher, but I’m applying to law school for next fall. My top choice is _____________.”
Guy: (In a condescending tone) “Why are you applying to _____________? That’s a terrible school, you should be applying to ______________.”
Me: (Thinking) ‘Gee, I’d never assume that as a contractor who has never met me before, you would turn out to be my personal law school advisor.’
8) If I ask you to leave me alone, LEAVE ME ALONE. I don’t need to provide you with an explanation.
9) Would it kill you to buy me a drink? I don’t hit on guys at bars, but if I did, I imagine it would feel a lot like interrupting someone I don’t know. When you hit on me, you are interrupting my time with my friends—not to say this is necessarily a bad thing, if I like you, but come on. A beer costs all but $4. It’s a nice way of saying, ‘Thank you for taking time away from your friends to talk to a perfect stranger.’
10) Don’t touch me.
If you think you violate any of these rules, check yourself: you may be disrespecting us.
I was prompted to write this post on a Sunday, because last night I had to literally push a creepy guy away from me to keep him from “hugging” me. He was drunk, he put his hands on my waist before he introduced himself, I saw him hug [read: feel up] several other girls (and guys, actually), I made it clear to him that his advances weren’t appreciated, he didn’t offer to buy me a drink, and yet he still thought I would be okay with him putting his hands on me. When I pushed him away, one of his buddies acted all offended, like I was the one being rude. He insisted this guy was genuinely a “good guy,” and didn’t deserve to be pushed/embarrassed like that.
Excuse me, but I don’t care if you’re the president of United Way, the Children’s Fund, or the Basket of Adorable Puppies Foundation, if you chronically disrespect women, you are not a “good guy,” at least not in my book.
Oh, and by the way, just because I respect and value myself, does not make me a ‘bitch.’
Follow these rules, and you, too, may become a decent human being–and may even find a girlfriend.